2.15 Gone with the Will

People told me of this episode's awfulness so many times that I, contrary to reason, began to be keen on the possibility of watching. Because I wasn't really that interested, I'm a fickle fan. Which is kind of sad, for I liked last week's a lot, but no good episode is going to erase the SHAMEFUL sensation I got from this entire season.

The only thing bound to make me real chipper is Vanessa dropping off. Off of Manhattan, off the series, off of television. As always, Vanessa equals to the quantity of sucks 1.5.

Hey boys, hey girls, super siamese twins, here we go! The episode begins with the characters making a boring entrance. Lily and Rufus are totally gonna do it and eventually get back together after a few predictable twists. Jenny likes the idea because Lily is rich and just gained 20% share of the Bass Industries, so maybe she gets rich too if her poor, poor father gets to marry the wicked for the rest. You know what this storyline sums up to be? Lame. It's so dramatic and uncool. For once, Serena seems to have lit a bulb of light over her head. Of course it will burn burn her roots later, but it is just like Clueless! I thought about it just the past week. Alas, these are the days of our lives. We'll smell this crappy SL later.

Lemme see, what else's lame this week? Oh, yeah, Blair. Blair who loves Chuck so much that is willing to sacrifice who she is for him. Let me tell you, I am not willing to sacrifice this character for him. She's miserable all the time. And just not a teenager.
Just like Blair, Chuck is a lame persona, driving his OTP with said fictional girl to a halt. And yes, he wears too much purple, too much glitter, too much Carson-like stuff. It was okay when he wore those gay bow ties and our very dear scarf, but they pushed him over the edge, and, guess what, he fell. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Chuck together again.
Actually, I hope they can.

By the way, Chuck is ahead of the company, not Hot Uncle Jack, as the latter expected. They become privy to the information through a insanely blunt letter from the deceased, which is also an attempt to soft Chuck's grief by saying that Bart gave a shit about him. Nice.

Eric is facing a real teenage issue for a change. Jenny's hair looks nice, she's a pretty little thing when she's not annoying me. But she's annoying Eric, because she doesn't have any other friends. She needs to get along with Blair ASAP.

On one hand, I wish Blair, Nate and Chuck could have light plotlines centered about fashion, school, college and gossip. Rather than offscreen deaths, wills and lost children. On the other, I wish these moments could be combined with noir ones. Couldn't Blair destroy someone for good? Couldn't she actually destroy Vanessa's life in New York and escape unscathed? Why can't they be mean to people they don't love? They're always vicious to the ones they do. I want blood. You know, normal and noir, instead of superdrama at full speed.

The Plastics miss Blair as much as I miss old Blair. Luckly, I know she'll be back by the end of the episode, so let's move on.

Now, to the biological parents tracking down their missing kid. Ain't this the biggest cliché they pulled till this moment? Schwavage are offending us one too many times. Lily is disgusting. As beautiful as Kelly Rutherford is, Lily isn't a teenager. I don't want to see her so much. Gosh, another waste of prime time. It's so boring. I don't care for any fraking spin-off, nor for her young years half a century ago, not for her infamous nowhere to be seen son. It's a stupid plot dragging itself over the eppies. I feel a little sorry for Serena having to cope with her mother. At least Eric is there to raise her. He's so cute he should be Blair's brother.

Since I was getting a bit tired of having to look at Lily, I decided to go try on some new clothes, with my back to the screen, when suddenly I hear that obnoxious voice. Yes, it's her, the evil troll from Brooklyn. Sans Nate, shopping for some hard candy.

Back to Blair (and Chuck, since they became one single entity), I don't want Bass with anyone else, but I wouldn't mind Blair being fun again. Like when she partied a bit and pretended to be stoned. She has the right to have a secret superfun statutory-rape-ish affair with Jack!Sperm. Her ridiculous verbal sex with Chuck in the sweaty episode, and Darena being so icky, earns us the right to enjoy this new possible rendezvous.

What is Jenny doing at the brunch? And her hair went back to being ugly. Dan and Serena share a sibling. That's so silly. Ha, ha.

"You don't think I thought about him all the time 24/7 over the last 300 years I lived through slaughtering virgins to keep my beauty?", asked the Wicked Mater. Er... NO! We don't. You didn't. Who the hell thought that inserting this line would make any sense at all? I admit she would say something like that, but the story should prove she's a selfish bitch who thinks too high of herself; instead, the episode tries to convince us that she's a good mother and a loveable character. Well, she's not anymore!
I came up with the perfect plotline for Lily after all this. She should check into rehab again for the rest of the season. And we shouldn't get no scenes at all with her. Only passing mentions like "Lily was hitting the bong a lot less by Easter".
As for Vanessa, she needs to die in a hole right now. She already lives in one, so her body should be found in CSINY.

So, Jack betrayed Chuck and I still can't help but give him kudos. Where did all my Chuck love go? To hell, possibly by the minute he reacted to the accusation of being a ninfo by responding that he can make a sex round last long, yet again. And yes, Blair. He spit the wife word because he doesn't love you right now nor does he plan on marrying you ever.

Thank goodness for Blair stop pining for Chuck! I heard about it before I watched and I felt so relieved. Quite frankly, to this point, I only bear with Chuck because he's the closest thing to the ultimate female fantasy of the witty bad boy with high social status that falls in love with our favourite girl. But it seems as he'll always be the dirty boy with a monkey on his shoulder. Blair can do better, but we know she will not.

Altogether, I feel SO, SO sorry for the family that adopted the child with no name. Stop harassing people, Wicked One.